


I guess I miss you, beautiful

by chaerinsthighs



Series: Nothing Compares [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, How Do I Tag, M/M, Morning After, changkyun pops up for a sec, is that a thing?, just like the rEST OF THE WORLD, oops my hands slipped, past angst?, then disappears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-12 00:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaerinsthighs/pseuds/chaerinsthighs
Summary: Kihyun and Hoseok decide it's time for some honesty.Placed at the end of the 9th chapter of the first work.





	I guess I miss you, beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo! I thought I was done with this AU, but I guess me making decisions about my own fics really isn’t a thing.  
> I’m keeping the tradition of this series and naming this part after Darren Hayes’ I miss you.  
> Also kudos to my babie [Mar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx) who helped beta it.  
> I hope you like this small addition to the series <3

“I could get used to this.”

That had been Hoseok’s first thought when he had woken up and realised he hadn’t been dreaming.

He was in the same bed with Kihyun yet again, both of them naked, the younger asleep and clinging to him. He had stirred a little, pulled Kihyun closer, pushed his hair out of his face and tapped his nose with his fingertip. Kihyun had not woken up.

Hoseok had not been surprised. He was sure Kihyun had been restless for days. It was only a few hours ago that he had finally confessed his feelings in a desperate attempt to stop hurting both Hoseok and himself. Hoseok can now only hope that Kihyun understands that that’s all he ever needed to do. Be honest and stop running away.

He moves a little bit again. He’s on his back with Kihyun on top of him, his head on his chest. It’s a little bit uncomfortable because he doesn’t know for how long he’s been like this and he can’t move much, but he doesn’t mind. He lets his fingers softly caress Kihyun’s naked spine, the bed-sheets barely covering their bottom parts.

The sound of the door opening manages to make him stop looking at Kihyun’s peaceful, sleeping face. He raises his head to see Changkyun looking at them surprised. He can hear Jooheon somewhere in another room.

A few seconds pass before either moves. Then, Hoseok slowly brings a finger in front of his lips, asking Changkyun to keep it quiet, and looks back at the man sleeping on him.

Changkyun only smiles and walks back out, closing the door quietly. Hoseok knows they won’t be interrupted for a while. His hand goes on Kihyun's back again and he allows himself to think, calmer than ever.

He feels... happy. Well, happy might not be the perfect word, he thinks. He's not complete. He doesn't know how long this will last either. Is he happy that Kihyun loves him back? Yes. Is he happy that he admitted it, how much he loves him and how much he wants him? Definitely yes. Is it enough?

Hoseok already knows the answer. Kihyun broke his trust too many times. They had built a relationship, a friendship, a bond he treasured to the end of the world. It took so little for that to crumble.

Little. It wasn't little. But it shouldn't have been that easy, should it? Hoseok isn't certain about anything anymore.

But is it really like that? Have they lost everything? He wants to trust Kihyun again, but he's not ready for that. He wants to give him everything, but he doesn't know if Kihyun knows what to do with his everything, even if he wants it.

Where do they go now? What does he want? What does Kihyun want?

The group flashes in his mind. Monsta X means everything to him. He is 100% serious about his work with the group and the company. He has set goals for himself, he has his fans who gave him everything. He loves his work. He doesn't want to sacrifice that. He wants everything.

Well, at least he's the same with Kihyun when it comes to that. He doesn't even have to ask him, he knows. Kihyun feels exactly the same. He loves this life as much as he does.

So what can they do to protect that? What can they do to have even more? Cause they're both greedy. They just work differently. Hoseok storms in. Kihyun plans. The one time Kihyun couldn't plan, he fucked up. You can't plan feelings. It was stupid of him to think that he could. It makes sense that he panicked when he couldn't.

And what about himself? He can't storm in now. He can't risk losing everything. He worked so hard, his family worked so hard, his members, his fans. He can't throw it all away.

But does he have to? Do things have to be that difficult? Why can't they just work for once? Why can't he be with the man he loves?

He looks down again and pets Kihyun's hair.

A relationship with Kihyun. He can't even imagine it. And he shouldn't yet. He doesn't know what Kihyun plans to do now. He smiles thinking that he probably doesn't even have plans, for the first time in a while.

The is new. This is completely new. For both of them.

He feels Kihyun's breath slowly changing. He feels his fingers moving on his skin and his hair tickling him. He suppresses a giggle and opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn't know what he wants to say first.

Kihyun is faster. He looks up at him with the same sincerity he had last night and speaks in a raspy, low voice.

"I love you." 

  
  
  


For a few seconds Kihyun isn't sure he is awake. He can feel something warm beneath him. Something soft on his back and his hair. He doesn't want to open his eyes. He takes a deep breath and smells Hoseok's scent with it.

Hoseok. Hoseok's heartbeat. His slow breath that's getting slightly faster. His soft caresses. Hoseok. Everything Hoseok. All the words they said last night and all those they didn't. His mind is full of Hoseok.

He smiles and looks up to a man that shouldn't still be there. But he is. Holding him. He holds his gaze and says those words that took him so long to say.

"I love you." 

Hoseok seems surprised. A second later he chuckles.

"Is that the first thing you say to me in the morning?"

Kihyun cups his cheek with his palm tenderly.

"I can't have you doubting it, can I?"

Hoseok doesn't reply. Kihyun can see a million questions in his eyes. A million thoughts. He knows they need to talk, but he won't run away this time.

Well, maybe it won't hurt to postpone it for a few seconds.

He falls on his back next to Hoseok and stretches. He hears himself groan. The bed shifts next to him. He turns on his side towards Hoseok and sees the older facing him in a similar position.

He doesn't realise he's doing it, but he traces Hoseok's lips with his finger. By the time he pays attention to that, Hoseok is already kissing it. He takes Hoseok's hand in his and smiles.

"That was kinda rich coming from me, wasn't it?"

"You said it," Hoseok chuckles.

"I'm not expecting you to forgive me, you know," he begins. "And it's not like I want you to, either."

"What do you mean?" Hoseok seems puzzled.

"I won't forgive myself either. For making you look like that. Making you cry. But despite that, I want you to know that I am sorry."

"Okay," Hoseok's voice is tiny, "thank you. For saying that."

"That I'm sorry or that I don't expect forgiveness?"

"Both. I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive you. Even though I want to..."

"You don't have to focus on that now. It can wait."

"Then what should I focus on? What should WE focus on?"

"...Us?"

"How do we do that? How do we do that without messing everything up?"

Kihyun moves closer to Hoseok and hugs him, wraps his arm around his waist. He kisses his cheek and the corner of his lips and whispers.

"I'm scared too. I don't want to lose anything I have worked for. I don't want you to lose anything either."

"You sound so sure about this."

"I'm not. But last night... telling the truth left liberating. And my apology would mean nothing if I wasn't honest with you now. I'm scared, hyung, I really am. But I don't want to make you cry again."

"Then what do you want?"

Kihyun takes several seconds to reply.

"I want the chance to treat you right. I know I don't deserve it, but you do, you deserve even more than that."

"I don't want more."

"You should. But that's not the point. I'm not saying I'm asking for this for your sake only. I know I'm being greedy. But if you're willing to give me that chance..."

Kihyun isn't an idiot. He knows that in another universe Hoseok wouldn't waste a second before kissing him and telling him that he loves him. He would be his with all his heart. But in this universe...

"That's all?"

"For now."

"You don't want me to love you?"

"... I want us to love each other. But... we need to work for that."

"... I miss you..."

Hoseok's whisper barely has any sound at all. But Kihyun hears it. He hears it and feels it.

"I miss you, too. I miss what we had. That's why I thought that if we want more... we have to work on getting what we had back first."

"What if we can't? What if it's too late?" Hoseok's tone isn't accusing, but the question still hurts Kihyun like salt in a wound.

"If we can't... we'll find another way. I'll regain your trust. We'll figure it out."

He sees Hoseok's smile and reflects it.

"What?"

"Not everything is lost, is it?"

Kihyun takes some time to think about that. He looks into Hoseok's eyes and his mind wanders on everything they have been through together all these years, both inside the group and out of it.

He remembers every time he found Hoseok working till early in the morning alone, all those times he was cooking and Hoseok came to tease him and take his utensils away just to laugh at him getting mad, all those times he praised him for his hard work and his voice and how well he took care of everyone.

He remembers all the times he took food to Hoseok's studio because he knew the older one would forget to eat while finishing a song, how badly random comments affected him, how he had to remind Hoseok that his body is the best the way he likes it and that he'll always support him.

He remembers how he had to butt in when Hoseok got upset and was ready to lash out on everyone, reminding him that it wasn't their fault, and the times when Hoseok teased Kihyun a little too much, annoying him and making him shout.

He remembers all the times Hoseok asked him if he was okay, cause Hoseok cared, he always cared. He remembers him waking up just to keep him company in the morning and how he never helped with cleaning, pulling out his hyung card. But he was always there for Kihyun.

And Kihyun's respect for what Hoseok did and still does, has not died.

And looking into Hoseok's eyes, he knows that Hoseok's respect for all those years of Kihyun's efforts hasn't died either.

"No. Not everything."

They stare at each other for a while, not talking, just smiling.

"Okay," Hoseok says after a while.

"Huh?"

"Okay, I'll give you a chance to treat me right."

"O-Oh."

"Bet you thought I had already agreed, didn't you."

"Uhm..."

"Kihyunnie, you're a little shit," Hoseok giggles.

"It's not my fault you were looking at me like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like you love me."   


Now it's Kihyun's time to giggle. He's certain his eyes mirror the sparkles in Hoseok's eyes. He feels his heart widening, ready to explode. Hoseok's grin says everything he needs to know.

"I love you."

Kihyun leans closer and kisses Hoseok's lips softly. Their eyes meet again and they're suddenly both giggling and hugging tightly.

"We're fucking disasters," Kihyun comments.

Hoseok pushes him to lie on his back and straddles him, leaning above him and kissing him more.

"A disaster duo. Disaster couple. Couple. I like that more," he says while intertwining his fingers with Kihyun's.

"Dork."

Kihyun's favourite smirk in the world appears in front of him and touches his lips.

"But you love me."

"I love you."

"You love me."

"I love you."

There it is. The most blinding grin in the entire universe. He says it again.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

 

And they kiss again, and this time it's slow and deep and passionate. And they're holding each other, along with their hopes and dreams for everything they had, have and will have in the future. And at this very moment, they're happy.

**Author's Note:**

> That's all, folks!  
> I consider the series completed, but I suppose guilty pleasures are a thing and since I am very attached to this au I might come back to it sometime in the future.  
> Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
